What is Mindful Parenting?
As a working mother of a two-year-old, I am constantly seeking a balance between responding to my child’s needs and being an emotionally generous parent. We have to show up every day while keeping up with our child’s changing developmental needs. When we are stressed and exhausted, it can be difficult to respond constructively to our child. Mindful parenting can help to guide us how best to relate to ourselves and our child during parenting interactions.
A mindful approach to parenting is a little different to various cognitive and behavioural models, which tend to focus on how to control and modify the child’s behaviour. Mindful parenting promotes parent-child relationship and being present, in the moment, with our child. Duncan and colleagues (2009), have described a mindful parenting program which includes listening with full intention, cultivating emotional awareness and self-regulation, and bringing compassion and nonjudgemental acceptance to the parenting interactions.
With this approach to parenting, we can bring attention to how we feel without acting on it. The moment we become aware of our inner state, we have the choice to respond in a way that best meets our child’s needs. For example, by pausing before responding, we teach kids that they, too, can pause and choose to respond instead of reacting. This is a framework for how to practice self-regulation while helping our children with their feelings. It is a way to foster a healthy parent-child relationship.
Duncan et al [1] have described a mindful parenting model in which they outline these five elements of mindful parenting:
Listening With Full Attention
Parents are encouraged to listen to their child with full attention and take notice of child’s cues such as facial expressions and body language, so that they can accurately recognize child’s verbal communication.
Nonjudgemental Acceptance of Self and Child
Accept that growing up in this world is a challenge which is bound to place a strain on a parent-child relationship.
This encourages parents to avoid having unrealistic expectations rather it places emphasis on setting clear standards that are culturally and developmentally appropriate.
Emotional Awareness of Self and Child
Parents are encouraged to respond to their child’s needs and emotions while exercising self-regulation when interacting with the child.
Self-Regulation in the Parenting Relationship
This model highlights the importance of exercising self-regulation when interacting with the child. For instance, pausing before responding in order to be more mindful and parenting according to goals and values.
Compassion for Self and Child
Exercise positive affection for one’s child to alleviate the child’s distress. At the same time, parents need to exercise self-compassion to avoid self-blame.
