Discover 3 Psychology-Based Concepts That Help Explain How Parents Influence Emotional Development in Kids

A parent's capacity to self-regulate, co-regulate and keep a child's mental state in mind are psychology-based concepts that help explain how parents influence social-emotional development in kids. These are crucial skills for parents to master to help nurture their child's social-emotional development from infancy onward.

Parental Capacity to Self-Regulate

Parental capacity to self-regulate requires that we pay attention to our feelings, thoughts and reactions during interactions with a child and use strategies to remain calm so that we can respond effectively and compassionately. Self-regulation skills are the mental processes that allow us to, for example, tolerate our child's intense emotions and respond in a way that aligns with our values in the middle of a 5:30 pm traffic jam. In addition, whilst developing and exercising self-regulation skills, we are better equipped to navigate supportive interactions and the process of co-regulation.

Parental Ability to Co-Regulate

Co-regulation refers to supportive interaction in which parents or caregivers help children understand and express their thoughts, feelings and behaviours (Schore, 2003). Through co-regulatory interactions with parents, children learn ways of experiencing and expressing emotions (Rasmussen et al., 2017), helping facilitate the development of a child's self-regulation (Houseman, 2017). Over time, the need for co-regulation decreases as a child's self-regulation increases. 

Moreover, research shows that a mother's ability to co-regulate her young child's fear and distress is essential for feeling a sense of security (Kelly, Slade, & Grienebberger, 2005). Children seek safety from an attachment figure, the "safe base." It can be highly distressing for the child to seek safety from a frightening and confusing parent—for example, a parent laughing when the child is crying. Additionally, research has explored the idea that a mother's ability to regulate her child's distress is associated with her capacity to make sense of her child's internal states, in other words, her capacity for reflective functioning. 

Parental Reflective Functioning 

Reflective functioning (RF) refers to one's ability to understand their own and another person's behaviour in terms of internal mental states (Slade et al., 2005). It means that we can mentalize or envision mental states in ourselves and others. These internal mental states are things, such as feelings, thoughts, intentions, desires, and beliefs (Slade, 2007). 

Specifically, parental reflective functioning refers to a parent's ability to hold their child's mental state in mind. While some parents might be limited in their ability to describe their child's mental state, other parents can speak about their own and their child's internal experience in great detail (Slade, 2007). Research shows that parents with higher levels of parental reflective functioning can better respond to their child's needs (Lo & Wong, 2020). For example, Kelly et al. (2005) found that a higher capacity for reflective functioning was related to a mother's ability to regulate her baby's distress.  

Whilst there is a great deal of emphasis on healthy emotional development in children, research is also helping us understand how our emotional skills and mental processes can impact the parent-child relationship and, ultimately, our children's emotional development. Therefore, it is equally important that parents continue to improve their capacity for self-regulation, engage in co-regulation and mentalization.

• References

  Housman, D.K. The importance of emotional competence and self-regulation from birth: a case for the evidence-based emotional cognitive social early learning approach. ICEP 11, 13 (2017). https://doi.org/10.1186/s40723-017-0038-6

  Kelly, Slade, A., & Grienenberger, J. F. (2005). Maternal reflective functioning, mother-infant affective communication, and infant attachment: Exploring the link between mental states and observed caregiving behavior in the intergenerational transmission of attachment. Attachment & Human Development, 7(3), 299–311. https://doi.org/10.1080/14616730500245963

  Lo, & Wong, S. Y. (2020). The effectiveness of parenting programs in regard to improving parental reflective functioning: a meta-analysis. Attachment & Human Development, 1–17. https://doi.org/10.1080/14616734.2020.1844247

  Rasmussen, Borelli, J. L., Smiley, P. A., Cohen, C., Cheung, R. C. M., Fox, S., Marvin, M., & Blackard, B. (2017). Mother-child language style matching predicts children's and mothers' emotion reactivity. Behavioural Brain Research, 325(Pt B), 203–213. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bbr.2016.12.036

  Slade. (2007). Reflective Parenting Programs: Theory and Development. Psychoanalytic Inquiry, 26(4), 640–657. https://doi.org/10.1080/07351690701310698

  Slade, Grienenberger, J., Bernbach, E., Levy, D., & Locker, A. (2005). Maternal reflective functioning, attachment, and the transmission gap: A preliminary study. Attachment & Human Development, 7(3), 283–298. https://doi.org/10.1080/14616730500245880

  Schore, A. N. (2003). Affect dysregulation and disorders of the self. New York, NY: Norton.Description text goes here